Healthy Relationships: Helping Children Move from Trauma to Recovery

CLICK TO HEAR DR. HOUSTON BECK'S ADVICE ON HELPING CHILDREN MOVE FROM TRAUMA TO RECOVERY

Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Maria Houston Beck serves as the Executive Director of LSS CHOICES, the only emergency shelter for domestic violence victims in Franklin County. 

It’s the work she has dreamed about since high school. 

“I was 16 and a student athlete. I had a teacher who kept a couch in the back of his room and during track season, I would take a quick nap before our meets,” she says. “One day he was showing a video about Sigmund Freud in his Introduction to Psychology class. I couldn’t stop watching it. I was so intrigued that I went home and talked to my family about it. I learned that I had several family members who suffered from mental illness. From that moment on, I never looked back.”

Dr. Houston Beck spent several years counseling youth and families exposed to trauma and consulted with a domestic violence center prior to joining Lutheran Social Services and CHOICES three years ago.

She knows firsthand that everyone in a family is affected by domestic violence even if it isn’t directed at them.

“Domestic violence does not discriminate. It can really impact anyone - from all different socioeconomic backgrounds, racial backgrounds, any gender - and it certainly impacts the entire family." 

She shares that the CHOICES shelter sees single men and women, but more than half of those serve at the facility are children who come in with their parents. 

"So we take a holistic approach and help the entire family, because even though the children may not have been the direct victim of the violence, they may have been a witness, and these experiences can have a major impact on their development, their relationships, and their overall well-being.”

Families come to CHOICES with a variety of issues to address, but it all starts with the foundational needs for safety and shelter. 

“One of the things that we do for everyone, but especially children, is try to make them feel safe,” she explains. “We have consistent schedules because consistency and structure breed safety. If it's school time, and if they're not, in fact, in school, we will have them in a bit of an academic setting with some of our family services team members. We have meals at the same time each day. We try to help kids lower anxieties and fears and just start to feel calm.”

“It's hard to work on healing from the trauma when you're feeling chaotic in your day to day,” Dr. Houston Beck continues. “We talk about healthy relationships. We talk about people making bad choices versus good choices, and that can mean harming other people or yelling, and how they are not a bad person, but they're making bad choices." 

"We will provide some of that programming, but we also encourage parents or guardians to have those conversations with their children, certainly in an age-appropriate manner.”

Dr. Houston Beck cautions caregivers to avoid sharing information that kids simply aren’t mature enough to handle. “I tell parents that you want to have good boundaries with your children. If you have a young child or even a teenager, you don't want to discuss your relationship issues or certain details that could be traumatizing."

Unfortunately some parents share too much, she knows, even if unintentional: "They’re just going through a lot, and they might find themselves kind of sharing or dumping. We just try to remind them to make sure that they have safe spaces to process and talk through the things that they’ve experienced with other adults, so that their children can still be children at the end of the day.”

Dr. Houston Beck emphasizes that just one trusted adult person can make a real difference in helping kids heal from trauma and domestic violence. 

“Individuals who experience trauma or domestic violence can recover well when they have one trusted individual. When we say trusted, it's someone who is safe, someone they can go to and rely upon. When that individual has that, especially for a kiddo, it increases their sense of safety - the emotional safety that they believe they’re going to be okay. And so, when something comes up, they can go to that person, either in the moment or afterwards. They know that they’re going to be available and that they will be okay.”

“These folks can come from all of us, anywhere,” she says. “Coaches and teachers, they really make a difference. When we talk about needing a village, it’s essential, sometimes, especially for kids, because they connect with different adults on different levels. It doesn’t take anything away from the parents being a safe space for them. It’s having that additional person with whom they can be their full authentic self and be loved, accepted, and know that everything is going to be fine.”

CHOICES 24-HOUR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CRISIS LINE:

If you need help in recognizing and ending an unhealthy relationship, call the LSS CHOICES Domestic Violence Crisis Line at 614.224.HOME (4663).